Heart & Soul

TRUE POWER

Vicki Hinze, ©2008

Power.

We hear a lot about it. We’re taught from an early age to seek and seize it. We’re warned against being hungry for it to the point of our own stupidity. We see those chasing after it, those willing to sell their souls for it, and we often hear it connected to politics and other hot-button issues. Oh, yeah. A lot is said and written on power. And yet we hear far too little–and maybe as a consequence of that lack–we spend far too little time coming up with our own definition of power.

That raises a question that just begs an answer:

If we aren’t cognizant of our own definition for power, then by what standard do we judge the ultimate–our true power?

I’m a simple woman, and often when exploring these type things from my perspective, I find it easiest to wrestle and grasp broad concepts by exploring what something is not. It eventually narrows down the concept to a point that I find a path to what that something is. So here’s my narrowing down on what true power is not:

It’s not a commodity to be bought, sold, or given or taken in trade.

It’s not a weapon to be used to force one’s will on another.

It’s not a tactic employed for the purpose of manipulation or harm.

It’s not a separate entity, and yet we can separate ourselves from our true power.

Everything else I’ve thought of regarding power fits into one of the above, so for me, those things define what power is not.

Looking at the text-book, dictionary definition, power is “the ability to do something or act in a particular way” or the “ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.”

There are those who have the power of authority over us–(elected officials, judges, bosses, spouses, parents). But that is power we gave them by electing, appointing, accepting employment, marrying, or being born to them.

These are not holders of true power, only of provisional power. With provisional power, someone has power until we no longer give it to them. The elected officials are voted out of office, the judge leaves the bench, we change jobs, shift the balance of power with spouses, or grow up and leave home, removing ourselves from parental authority.

There is the power of things or entities: a car engine is powerful, for example, or laws that enacted protect and/or prohibit actions.

The power of speech is disputable. So is the power of a speech to inspire us.

Power takes on many forms. And that’s the point. But in form, it still is a two-part process: the first part establishes power and its form, the second part comes from us and our willingness or unwillingness to accept, adopt and/or abide by it in that specific form.

The power of faith is, for example, deemed more significant by some than by others. The power to create change, the power to change. So our reaction to something’s power is a strong influence on its true power. In short, it has what power we give it.

And that’s my point.

Each of us has a measure of true power. Our power to run our lives, to live them in the manner we choose, adopting those things we consider constructive into it–or not. Our power to choose is our true power.

We can keep it, give it away, allow it to be stolen or taken from us. We can spend such an inordinate amount of time guarding it that we totally lose it.

Our power lies in our choices; our true power, in the choices we actually make.

For example, when you awaken each morning, you make choices.

Let’s say, you have a meeting or a task you’re dreading that you must attend or you must do that day.

The power isn’t in the meeting or task. That you might or might not be able to control.
The true power is in the emotional investment you attach to it, the dread. That you can control, and by dreading, you’re giving dread your true power.

No one is taking it–no person, no entity, nothing outside you. You are giving it away.

On realizing this, the perspective shifts a little, doesn’t it?

It does, and should. Why? Because we also realize that we can choose to retain our true power. We can decide how much we allow this one meeting or one task to impact our lives.

Will we allow it to ruin our day? The days preceding it? The next week or month? We choose.

Today, many of us find ourselves in situations or events in which we are victims of others’ power plays. We didn’t ask to be in this position, we didn’t want it, but we’re in it. And because it isn’t our choice to be there, we often can do little to extricate ourselves.

That’s part of being a member of the human race and something we all face at one time or another. But note that these are external things that impact us internally.

Too often we forget that and allow these things to rob us of peace, to steal our joy. To command our focus and attention, which negates our ability to expend our efforts and energies in the way we would have chosen.

Some of these challenges are totally outside our control, which adds new dimensions to our emotional reactions to them. Along with the challenge itself, we develop a “victim” mentality, and then we’re really robbed of peace and joy and an ability to focus where we wish to be focused. Again, they’re largely external. Often the result of someone’s warped perspective that they’re projecting onto us–often because we allow it.

But if we remember that we hold the keys to our true power, we can limit–not eliminate, because we can’t control others, only ourselves–the impact on us. We can choose how much effort and energy and focus we give these things. How much of our time and life we allow them to rob and steal from us.

Unfortunately, in some of these cases, we allow the balance of power to strip us entirely. But we don’t have to do that. Remember, we choose.

So what if you realize that you’ve forfeited your personal power. That you hadn’t realized it was gone (often these snatches are insidious and one day we wake up and discover our true power depleted), then what do you do?

Reclaim it.

Because the power of choice is internal, because you still hold the key to what goes on in your mind and heart, with each thought you have, you can make a decision to reclaim your true power.

You decide what to think about. You decide what gets your time, energy, effort and attention. You decide who and what is constructive and of value. You choose.

You can’t live your life free of challenges imposed or inflicted on you by others. What you can do is to retain your true power so that those incidents have minimal impact on you rather than usurping your life.

True power is your innate gift. It is yours and you own it. Whether or not you retain it, or how much of it you retain, is a matter of choice. Yours.

And knowing it, believing it, exercising it–that is your true power.*

Are you Hurricane Ready?

As a non-Florida native, after moving to the west coast of Florida I had to bone up quickly on what to do if a hurricane was heading toward my area.  Here are a few tips I’ve learned that might make getting ready for a potential disaster easier for you.  This is not intended to be an all-inclusive list, but rather some tips you might find helpful.

I should note that since I do not live in a flood zone and am inland from the coast, I have somewhat less preparation than is required for others.  There are many web sites that give information on how to board up your home to protect it from hurricane force winds and debris, so I will not cover it here.  However, I am including links at the bottom of this article.  No matter where you live, if you are in the projected path of a hurricane you will want to gather up any loose items around the exterior of your home and take them inside or place in your garage.  This includes your patio furniture, gardening tools, sprinklers and hoses, flower pots or other items typically placed outside your home.  You can also use masking tape in a large X shape to keep glass from flying on windows not boarded up.  Again, links to more information are below.

At the beginning of hurricane season, I like to stock up on certain supplies I might need.  It’s amazing how quickly store shelves are emptied of these necessities once you’re in the potential path of a hurricane. 

  • Extra drinking water.  I buy 5 gallon drums of water.  It requires a deposit, but it’s much easier to lug than 10 one gallon bottles.
  • Batteries of all sizes, but particularly flash light batteries.
  • Flash lights and other battery operated lighting.
  • Manual can opener.
  • Food that doesn’t have to be refrigerated or cooked, such as canned tuna, crackers and peanut butter.
  • Paper plates and disposable utensils.
  • One or more large coolers.
  • Masking tape.
  • Clear packing tape.

I do not recommend buying candles or anything that requires a flame because of the risk of fire.

Once you learn a hurricane potentially may be heading your way, there are certain supplies you’ll want to have on hand.  If a hurricane hits your area, you probably won’t be able to run to the store and grab groceries — they will likely not have power or be out of what you need.  These items include: 

  • Extra drinking water.
  • Water for bathing or flushing toilets.  Some people fill up their bathtubs with water.  I have a pool so can use the water in it.
  • Propane or charcoal for your outdoor grill.
  • Ice.  I freeze bags of it, but some people save milk cartons and fill them.  Bags of ice can keep items in your refrigerator or freezer from melting/spoiling if the power isn’t off for long.  If it is off, then you can transfer items to your cooler.
  • Prescription and over the counter medications.  Just to be safe, it’s best to have at least a 1 month supply of prescription medications.
  • Pet food.
  • Bread and other staples.
  • Easy to heat canned foods, such as stew or soup.
  • A full tank of gas in your car.  You can use it in order to evacuate or to siphon if you have a generator.  If you lose power in your area, then your local gas station may not have power either.

Diva Kimberly Llewellyn said that as she prepared for her first hurricane she didn’t know what supplies would be most helpful.  However, she figured it out very quickly when she went into her local grocery store.  The shelf stock was low in quantity for the items that were in most demand.  She grabbed everything that seemed sensible if it was low in stock!

If you don’t own one, you will want a battery operated emergency radio.  If local TV stations aren’t on the air, then you may have to get your news via radio.  Speaking of TV, during the last hurricane that hit our area, one of the first services we lost was cable.  Now that TV broadcasts are changing to a digital signal, if you don’t own a battery-operated TV that is digital, then you may wish to purchase one before the changeover if you want to get local TV during a power outage.  I found it reassuring once I was able to see TV, so this is high on my purchase list before the 2009 hurricane season.

Telephone service is important after a storm has hit your area.  If you have a cable phone or rely on a cellular phone, the service could be out for days afterwards.  It’s a very good idea to have a land line as well as a wired telephone unit (not wireless).

What plans do you have for your children?  If at all possible, you will want your family to leave in sufficient time so that they don’t have to take up residence in a shelter if a deadly hurricane heads your way.  A hurricane can be extremely frightening to small children, so you want to make preparations ahead of time.  When my children were young, I had a rule that if a Category 2 or higher hurricane was heading toward us, then I left right away with my kids, pets and family heirlooms.  Since I live further inland and my children are older, I now leave if threatened with Category 3 or higher.  If you wait too long to leave, then you may have to contend with horrible traffic and a lack of hotel rooms along your route away from the danger area, so please take that into account as well.

Before a hurricane heads your way, you’ll want to preplan what to do about your pets.  If you have pets and may need to evacuate, plan in advance what you will do with them.  Will you leave in time to take them with you?  Do you have friends or family who live further inland who will care for them for you?  I can’t tell you how sad it makes me when I realize how many people don’t make these plans in advance for their dearly loved pets.  If you have to go to a shelter, you usually can’t take your pets with you and you sure don’t want to leave your poor pet to fend for himself!  So please, have a plan in place.

I’m very fortunate because my husband likes to preplan as well.  Once hurricane season was well past, he purchased a generator for our use and we’ve had more than one occasion to use it.  Generators may only be used outdoors in a well ventilated area.  The carbon monoxide released is deadly.  Here’s a tip we learned through experience.  Hurricanes come with lots of rain and we prefer to keep our generator dry.  As a result, we set it up on our covered patio just outside our back door.  However, we have to insulate the sliding glass doors because the fumes can penetrate the seams and leak into the house.  We use a generous amount of clear packing tape on all of the sliding glass door seams.

List of helpful links: 

http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/HAW2/english/disaster_prevention.shtml

http://www.floridadisaster.org/family/

http://www.onestorm.org/Default.aspx?ReturnUrl=/OnePlan/

http://www.ready.gov/america/beinformed/hurricanes.html

http://money.cnn.com/2005/10/21/pf/saving/willis_tips/index.htm

http://www.bhg.com/home-improvement/maintenance/weatherizing/hurricane-proof-your-home/

http://www.floridapets.net/petfriendlyshelters.html

http://www.essortment.com/all/explaininghurri_ttot.htm

My greatest wish is that if you should ever have to face a major hurricane in your area, you, your family and pets will all remain safe and weather the storm easily.  It’s always good to plan for the worst but hope for the best.

Diva Kathy Carmichael

Word of the Day: Hysterectomy

It seems everywhere I turn lately, a woman I know is having a hysterectomy. This prompted me to research the procedure so I could understand it and be a supportive friend to those who are going through the process. Being a “wordie” (after all, I write novels for a living), I must admit I am having trouble with word’s usage today, based on its origins. Lets break it down, shall we?
     Hystera comes from the Greek word meaning “womb.” Ectomy means a “cutting out.”
     At first glance, this seems to be no problem. But let’s continue.
     Historically, the related term, hysterical, relates to psychological or neurotic disturbances that only occurs to those with a womb. Hysteria (also historically related) was considered a disease for woman; it only happened to them because of disturbances in the uterus.
     Okay, it’s no secret that women aren’t the only ones who get hysterical, become neurotic, or have psychological disturbances. Men do too. Don’t believe me? Try taking a man’s wrench from his toolbox and use it to hammer a nail into the wall and see how he reacts.
     So my question then is this: Why are we women still calling it a hysterectomy? It isn’t the removal of hysteria, so why do we still say this?
     We are talking about the surgical removal of the uterus. So why aren’t we using the term uterectomy more often? An appendectomy is the cutting out of the appendix. A lumpectomy is a cutting out of a lump. And a tonsillectomy is the removal of the tonsils, right? Sure, there are various kinds of hysterectomies (partial, complete, etc.), but at least using uterectomy is a start. But if women keep using the term, hysterectomy, then they are continuing on with the archaic idea that a hysterectomy is a removal of a woman’s hysteria. Believe me, words can be that strong.
     A vasectomy isn’t the removal of a vase, it’s the removal of vas deferens. Translated as, “removing away vessel.” (also called a deferenectomy). Very straight forward. Very plain and simple. No emotional origins about removing a guy’s “he-man-aggression,” “chest thumping,” “prowling,” or “prowess,” or “seed planting.” Women should follow suit.
     Oh, I’m sure not every “ectomy” procedure is an exact translation of that particular body part or organ. But when it comes to hysterectomy, it’s the ancient stereotypical connotation still attached to the term that I have a hard time with.
    Especially when we already know the root cause of all women’s hysteria…men.
   –DivaKimbling 

Are You Reading?

Today, I’d planned an article on Literacy and how our reading habits are changing.   And then I ran across an article in the New York Times on this subject and saw that they’ve been working on this–and confirming my fears and more.

So I’m going to defer, and ask that you read this article today.  The information is enlightening, the potential impact startling.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/books/27reading.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Love to hear your comments.

Blessings,

Diva Vicki

Green Wedding Part Deux

Option One: Why not make your white wedding gown green?

Here are some socially conscious options to packing away your wedding gown…

After your “green” wedding, you can do even more by recycling your gown. Yes, many a bride preserves her gown, perhaps to pass down to a future daughter. However, will the gown be fashionable (or usable for that matter after so many decades), by the time the daughter is old enough to get married? And will she even want it? (Tips for preserving the gown are listed below.)

Why not turn your gown into a cocktail dress or recycle part(s) of it as a shirt and/or skirt if the style lends itself to that? Or dye it if you want? You can make fluffy lacy white pillows and enjoy them all the time. How about turning it into a christening gown or two for your future children? Or give the christening gown as a gift to a newborn of a friend or family. For other ideas on recycling your gown, check out Dr. Dave and Dee.

You can donate your gown to Wedding Gowns for Angels, an organization that provides burial garments for infants who have passed away. Several garments and mementos can be made from one gown and then donated to the family, sparing them of one less emotional task when saying good-bye to their little angel.

You can consign your gown, as long as it is cleaned and in pristine condition. Then another bride can have an affordable gown and you can get back some cash on your investment, which might come in handy in starting your new life with your new partner.

Lastly, you can always donate your gown to help another bride have a beautiful, memorable day, just like you.

Option Two: If You’d Like to Keep Your Gown

Find a specialty eco-friendly cleaner that meticulously cleans gowns like Forever Treasured in San Diego.

If the gown is a historical piece, requires extra care, or cannot by cleaned properly by a specialty dry cleaner, then you may want to consider a textile conservator.

For more information on cleaning, preserving, and storing a wedding gown, check out these helpful hints from the Minnesota Historical Society.

Either way, a wedding gown can bring joy long after the wedding day.  Enjoy!

–DivaKimbling (aka the Wedding Writer)

Child Safety in Summer (Your Pets, too!)

Just a reminder now that the hot weather is fast approaching (or here already!) to use extra caution when it comes to your children and pets.

Every year, we hear the painful news about infants and toddlers suffering tragically and dying from hyperthermia in a hot car because they are forgotten in a closed vehicle in the heat. Up to 36 children annually. July usually has the highest death rate.

How does this happen? According to the website, Go San Angelo, the number of deaths has increased due the law requiring child safety seats to be put in the backseat of a car. Often, a parent or caretaker will forget a child is back there. The article goes on to say approximately 340 children have died in hot cars since the mid 1990s.

Jan Null has posted vital information about this topic on GGWeather.com. Here are some of the safety tips:

Never ever leave a child unattended in a vehicle. Not even to do a quick errand. Not because you left something in the house and have to run back in. Not for any reason. Not for second. Temperatures inside a hot vehicle soar quickly, often with deadly consequences.

Be sure that all occupants leave the vehicle when unloading. Don’t overlook sleeping babies. Make “look before you leave” a routine whenever you get out of the car, every time.

Prevent a child from climbing into your unoccupied hot car and then getting trapped inside by always locking your car when not in use; ensure children do not have access to keys or remote entry devices. If a child is missing, check the car first, including the trunk. Teach your children that vehicles are never to be used as a play area.

Keep a stuffed animal in the car seat and when the child is put in the seat, place the animal in the front with the driver. It serves as a reminder.

Place your purse or briefcase in the back seat as a reminder that you have your child in the car.

Have a plan that your childcare provider will call you if your child does not show up for school.

Please check out ggweather.com for more information so that we can all be sure that our children are kept save.

E. Panduro, a nurse in Florida, offers these tips:

If you do see a child in a hot car, call 911.

If you happen to get the child out of the vehicle before medics arrive, offer the child fluids, get him to a cool place, and cool him down with a cool cloth (using what you have).

Watch for signs of stress (i.e., dehydration, hyperthermia) such as dizziness, headaches, lethargy, difficulty breathing, pulse that seems too fast or too slow. Relay those to the medics, or to the ER staff, if you go.

Prevention is key.

While we’re on subject of safety, never leave a child unattended near water. From a half-full mop-bucket of water on your kitchen floor, to the bathtub, to a lake, ocean, or pool. Drowning happens in a moment, while your back is turned for just a second, and it happens in dead silence.

Pet Safety

The same goes for your pets, too. Leaving a pet in a hot car is cruel, even with the car’s window opened a crack, parked in the shade. This is still not an option. It’s torture for your pet.

Take care of your pets in the heat. Provide plenty of water and shade. And if you take your dog for a walk, pay attention to the pavement. Pavement gets scalding hot in the heat of the day, under the hot sun. If the sidewalk, street, or pavement is too hot for your bare feet and will burn you, then it’s too hot for your pet’s feet as well.

Have a wonderful, safe summer! –Diva Kimbling

Related News Stories

Child Rescued from Hot Car

Nancy Grace Transcript: Two Children Die in a Hot Car

When Kids Die in Hot Cars

Make Your White Wedding Green — Part One

Everyone is going green so why not make your wedding eco-friendly too? Using organic food, working with vendors who do their part for the environment, and using fair trade foods/items are just some of the ways a bride can have the day of her dreams and be environmentally conscious at the same time.

Having a sustainable, ethical wedding  sounds expensive and time consuming, doesn’t it? Not necessarily. And no bride can go completely green for her wedding IMHO, however, she can pick and choose what works for her. Every little bit helps. Websites like Ethical Weddings , My Ethical Wedding  and Great Green Weddings are some places that help the bride looking to be socially conscious.

For now, here are just a few ideas:

Find a caterer/supplier who is environmentally friendly. Do a search online for local vendors/suppliers.

For wedding-related events/parties, etc., use foods that are local and abundant during your celebrations. 

Used recycled paper for invitations.

Something old, something new, something borrowed…Yes, borrow what you can. This will give special meaning to your wedding as it lets others participate indirectly by loaning you those antique pearls, earrings, cuff links, etc. It also creates more memories for these lovely pieces. This not only cuts down on cost, you are reusing items, which puts less stress on the environment.  Get your family and friends involved. From wedding décor to formal wares (like a chafing dish or coffee urn for the bridal shower) let them know what you are looking for and perhaps they have that item and can loan it to you. (Keep an inventory of who loaned what!)

Purchase a recycled gown. Or rent a gown from places like Rent A Bridal Gown or a similar boutique near you. Do a website search for Bridal Gown Rentals. Or you can find them locally at boutiques providing such a service. It’s a great way to purchase that dream designer wedding gown at a more reasonable price. Also visit consignment shops for top notch dresses. The environment and your wallet will thank you.

Reuse/remount existing family jewelry or heirlooms or melt down existing gold items just sitting in your jewelry box to turn them into wedding bands. This adds history and meaning to the items.

Support World Fair Trade Day. This is celebrated around the second Saturday of May. (How convenient! At the start of wedding season!) Many states in the U.S. host festivals and events on this day (not to mention events worldwide, of course!). Contact them on how you can incorporate this endeavor into your wedding plans. It could be as simple as using only fair-trade coffee at your functions or giving out unusual gifts to your wedding party that are unique and specially made by artisans who are supported by fair trade groups.

For an example of an ethical wedding, check out the bridal couple Brian and Caitlin, who serve as an example of how one bride and groom went green and had a terrific wedding day doing so.

My next wedding-related posting will offer tips on what to do with the wedding gown after the big day, so be on the lookout!

So, what about you? Do you have a wedding or wedding-related event coming up and wish to share some ideas on how you made it green? Or intend to make your upcoming bridal event green? Share it in the comments section now.

Buh-bye! –Diva Kimbling

 

WORKING AT HOME: THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY

WORKING AT HOME:

       WHAT’S THE UPSIDE, PERKS AND BEST?

       WHAT’S THE DOWNSIDE, DRAWBACKS AND WORST?

 

When we’re stuck in a 9 to 5 job, married to a desk, or we’re torn between being at home with the kids when the family really could use a second income, our thoughts often turn to working at home.  We dream of working at home.  How wonderful, we think, it would be to not have to get up and go to work.

Sometimes in these dreams we go so far as to do a pro and con list.  These are the benefits and drawbacks of working outside the home, and these are the benefits and drawbacks of working at home.

In the past two decades, I’ve done plenty of both, and there are benefits and drawbacks on either path–some of which you might have considered, and some that perhaps have yet to come to mind and make it onto your list.  As in most situations, when you look beyond the work itself and to the realities of living with doing the work on a daily basis, things you didn’t think of and couldn’t know come up.  It’s those things I’d like to discuss in this series on Working-at-Home.

Let’s do a little comparison of the good and the bad.

                                      The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

THE GOOD

THE BAD

You set your own hours.         You set your own hours.
You determine your own workload.         You determine your own workload.
You set your own agenda.         You set your own agenda.
You elect which jobs to take on, and which ones to refuse.         You elect which jobs to take on, and which         ones to refuse.
You can be at home with your kids, or with the parent residing with you, or with the spouse who works from or is confined to home.          You can be at home with your kids, or              with the parent residing with you, or with          the spouse who works from or is confined          to home.
If you need time off, you can schedule it.          If you need time off, you can schedule it.
You’re the boss, and the perks are many.           You’re the boss, and the perks are many. 
You choose, you decide and you assign/attribute focus–all are your choices.          You choose, you decide and you                      assign/attribute focus–all are your                  choices.

 

Note that the entries in the “good” and “bad” column are exactly the same.  The reason for that is each of these points can be positive or negative–a benefit and blessing–or a bane and curse.  Which column–good or bad–each item ends up in depends on one thing:  you.  You, and the choices you make. 

Those choices are relative to your character, your personal preferences, your attitude and work ethic, your goals and ambitions and your personality.

SETTING YOUR OWN HOURS.  When you work at home, no one is tapping you on the shoulder to punch in and start work at 9 A.M.  No one is going to chain to your desk until you get your work done.  You have to have the discipline to do this yourself.  So you’d better know the answer to this question:  Do I have the discipline to show up and stick with it to accomplish the job?

People have visions of the person who works at home having all this free time.  It’s common to hear, “Oh, you can do this volunteer job, because you’re at home all day.”  But the truth of the matter is that when you work at home, rather than working fewer hours than you would in an office, you end up working more.  Not by choice but by necessity.  Why? 

At home, you are dong the job and you are the support staff.  There is no one else doing any aspect of the job.  You must handle everything–taxes, bookkeeping, marketing and publicity, acquiring new clients or those you sub-contract for–you do all of it in addition to doing the work itself.  Or you must pay someone to do aspects of the job you don’t want to do or your can’t do.  In that case, you end up working more hours in order to earn additional income to cover those additional expenses.

Every aspect of the work, not just the work itself, takes time.  And how well you execute each aspect has a direct impact on the success of your at-home work. Yes, you set your own hours.  But your hours are divided between work and the other work that is ancillary to that work.

 

YOU DETERMINE YOUR WORKLOAD.  If you want to work two days a week, then you can planyour workload so that only two days a week are required of you.  If things come up (and often, they do) and you need to scale back, you can choose to turn down business that would prohibit you from being able to scale down.

The flip side of this is that with each offer of work that is refused, your clients must find someone elseto take on the work.  And each time you send them to someone else, or that you fail to meet an obligation, not do what you say when you say you will, you invite them to do business elsewhere.  Some will wait for you.  Some will take their business elsewhere–this time and next time.  And you’ve lost a client that now you must spend time and energy and expend effort replacing.

If you’re good at what you do and you have great work ethics (quality service/product in a timely manner; people skills, etc.), then there will likely come a time when you have more business than you can handle.  It helps to have someone to share the load.  For example, is there another home worker with whom you can trade off work during times when it’s necessary?  The above traits are essential in any trade, because you’re entrusting each other with both reputations.

 

The important thing is to do a realistic assessment on how much work you want to take on, how long it

will take you to do it, and when you find the balance that works, hold the line.  From time to time, you

should reassess–our visions do change.  But keep your finger on the pulse of this.  Take on no more than

you’re willing to invest a hundred percent in doing.  That assures you that you get what you want and your

business (and clients) get what they deserve.

 

YOU SET YOUR DAILY AGENDA.   Because you have all these ancillary jobs to do that are associ-

ated with your work, your life will run more smoothly if you are organized.  The key isn’t which method of

organization you use.  The key is that it works well for you and keeps you out of working in crisis-mode.

Know what you have to accomplish on a daily and weekly basis (short-term goals) and monthly, annu-

ally and even develop a five-year plan (long-term goals). 

 

I like working from a priority list.  That way, the most critical items on my list are done first and if things pop up, those remaining undone at the end of the day are far less likely to be critical–things that will put me into working in crisis-mode.

 

Think of your daily agenda as a guide not as a rigid do-or-die-trying rule list.  Things will come up. Everyone must deal with the unexpected, unanticipated, and often the unwanted.  If you’re rigid, you’re going to spend a lot of time tense.  If you’re flexible and working from a priority list, you’re better able to absorb the changes without tension and without them creating a crisis.

 

When I first started working at home, if someone called and they were in crisis, I’d do what I could to

help–even if it meant putting me into crisis.  I took on their challenges.  But along the way, I discovered that the majority of their challenges–ones they dumped into my lap to fix–were self-inflicted wounds.  They had elected to do other things, often enjoyable things, gotten themselves into a fix because they had neglected their responsibilities, and then wanted me to fix the problem.  Yes, they were appreciative–some of them, anyway–and yes, I did want to do what I could to help them.  But invariably what occurred was not that they’d be more responsible next time, but that they’d again neglect their responsibility and come to me to fix it because they knew I would. 

 

Helping others is a terrific thing.  But you have to check yourself so that you don’t become part of

someone else’s problem.  Ask:  Am I reinforcing their bad habits or am I genuinely helping.  Sometimes

saying no is absolutely the best thing you can do for someone else.  Sometimes letting them scrape their

knees keeps them from later scraping their nose.  Learning this was a valuable lesson.

 

YOU ELECT WHICH JOBS TO TAKE ON AND WHICH ONES TO REFUSE.  When you’re

first getting started in an at-home job, you’re apt to be hungry and eagerly accept whatever work you can

get.  Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it’s a disaster. 

 

For example.  A writer friend of mine is also an independent movie producer and is very gifted at con-

verting novels to screen-scripts.  While his own work and movies keep him pretty booked up, now and then

he gets a request and he takes a look, loves the book and is tempted.  The first judgment call isn’t based on the book.  It’s based on the person seeking the conversion.  Is that individual professional?  Does s/he know this process?  How much trouble is s/he going to be?

 

Few want to work or deal with difficult people.  But when your time is your money and you’re standing alone, it isn’t that you just don’t want to work or deal with them, you can’t afford to deal with them. And the point in this is that working at home requires you to be judicious in your alliances.  All of them.  Whether it is a client, an assistant, or a person with whom you’ve formed a strategic business alliance.  If you’re spending all of your time dealing with a problem, you’re not producing work and that reflects (and negatively impacts) your earnings. 

 

Anything that negatively impacts earnings threatens your business.

 

Even if you’re new and hungry, be selective.  You’ll save money and increase earnings for having been.

 

YOU CAN BE AT HOME WITH YOUR KIDS, OR WITH THE PARENT RESIDING WITH YOU, OR WITH THE SPOUSE WHO WORKS at OR IS CONFINED TO HOME.  If the children are small, not yet in school, it’s often difficult to find affordable child care.  Working at home can be an asset, provided you set

boundaries and rules which enable you to both care for the kids and accomplish your work.  It’s critical that your workload be adjusted to allow quality time with the children so that they get what they need from you.  Just being in the house with them isn’t enough.  They need your attention and your interest in them and priority for their development.

 

Mutual respect is required.  When you’re on the phone, they need to know it’s business and not to interrupt unless it’s urgent.  Define urgent. 

 

Before my kids could read, I had a red light–traffic signal.  If the light was green, they were free to visit.  If it was red, then they were only to interrupt if it was really important.  Establish the barriers for both your sakes.  It isn’t fair for you to get upset with them if you haven’t made your needs and expectations clear.

 

Working at home can be a blessing if your kids are at that in-between age, too.  Too old for after school daycare, but not really old enough to be at home alone, or latchkey kids.  It’s easier to work at home when your children fall into this age group because they have responsibilities and commitments, too, and they more readily grasp the necessity of your work.

 

Dealing with an at-home spouse or parent can be a little more difficult, or a little easier, depending on the individual and their attitude toward your work.  Again, mutual respect is required.  Be honest about your needs and expectations and be flexible when you can in meeting theirs.

 

It takes patience to work at home with others there.  And before you elect to do it, you need to take a hard look at the others in your home and at yourself and determine if realistically it will be a healthy, happy environment for all  of you.

 

 

IF YOU NEED TIME OFF, YOU CAN SCHEDULE IT.  Now this is a tricky one.  We’ve already talked about dealing with things that come up, short suspenses and turnaround times, and adjusting your

workload to assure solid performance in the time you’ve committed to working.

 

You can schedule time off, though not always as much of it or when you would like to have it because of those ancillary duties and the nature of work being its own and not wholly in your control.  Preparation is the key.  Letting your clients know ahead of time that you’ll be out and when so that they can prepare for that absence as well.

 

It’s the unscheduled absences that can be most tricky and cause the at-home worker the greatest challenges.  Illness, an unexpected surgery, or something of that nature.  While others are understanding about these things, it doesn’t get what they need from you to them.  And their bottom line is that they need the work done. 

 

If you’ve formed a strategic alliance with another at-home worker, you’ve got a great benefit in these situations.  When you’re down, s/he takes up the slack and vice versa.  The work gets done, the client’s happy and your business functions.

 

If not, you’ve got to make alternate arrangements.  That might mean subcontracting a temp to assist you during the down time.  Whether the temp is to help with the work, the house, or your obligations, often you can accomplish all you need to accomplish with assistance.

Being the boss carries perks and that can be tempting.  So tempting that many forget that nothing is free, and when you carry the perks of total choice, you also bear the weight of total responsibility.  You choose what to do, when and how to do it, with or for whom to do what you do.

 

If you’re right, great.  Business is good and all is right in your world.

 

If you’re wrong, that’s not so great, and you have one person to blame for mistakes and to rely on to get your business out of trouble and back on an even keel:  yourself.

 

You’ll have ups and downs in any business and of course you’ll make mistakes.  The key is to try hard to not make the same mistake twice.  Integrity and ethics are still precious resources.  If you goof, say so and do all you can to repair any damage.  That forthright honesty carries you and your business a long way.

 

At times, you’ll ask yourself, What was I thinking?

 

At others, you’ll pat yourself on the back and be grateful you took that leap of faith and went to work for you.

 

Working at home isn’t right for everyone just as working outside the home isn’t right for everyone.  Before you jump in with both feet, think long and hard about the business–do your homework and know what you’re getting into–but also invest your assessment time in looking at yourself.  At your situation, your family, your specific circumstances.  We’ve seen the value of planning and organization and flexibility.  So be realistic about your personality and your work ethics, your attitude toward work and your vision of success.

 

Only then can you determine if in your specific case, working at home will be good, bad or ugly.  In truth, it’s always going to be a bit of all three, but before you decide it is or isn’t for you, the majority of the time should be in a positive, constructive atmosphere where you can be content in your work and take joy in your work and in your life.

 

Blessings,

Diva Vicki 

c2008, Vicki Hinze

www.vickihinze.com


 

 

Life’s Hidden Treasurers

Did you ever go into a garden to enjoy the riot of colors, blooms and fragrances? Have you stopped to admire the perennials, the flowers that are always there, year after year–the flawless red rose, the clear blue iris, the complicated perfection of a carnation? Then, hidden beneath all the flowers that have earned their place in the sun through age and growth, a flash of color catches your eye. Carefully, you move aside the green leaves of all the seasoned plants and there, almost out of view, is a tiny treasure–a tiny, bright yellow marigold.

While small and seemingly insignificant and having to be nurtured each spring, the marigold brings its own benefits to the garden by keeping away the harmful insects that eat the beautiful petals of its established companions. Unfortunately, because it’s beauty is often hidden behind its dominant companions, it’s often lost in the profusion of the very plants it nurtures and protects and more often than not, it’s taken for granted.

Do you allow the marigolds in your life to get lost in the crowd of perennials. They can be the true treasures of your day-to-day existence. Because their blossoms aren’t the same color as yours or they aren’t quite as showy as the others doesn’t mean they don’t have beneficial knowledge to impart, even to the perennials who often take center stage.

All of us, like the flowers, have our special assets, our special expertise to bring to every life we touch. Each of us has a place that we can excel. Because a person isn’t the same as you or because they aren’t as comely as the other people in our lives doesn’t mean they don’t have a special something to contribute to the rest. What a shame it would be not to take advantage of such treasures.

Look around you. Do you see the marigolds? Are they being recognized for their special talents? Or are they still hiding, just there? Yes, right there, in the shadow of the sturdier stems of the stronger or beneath the colorful petals of the more attractive or being silenced by unfounded prejudice.

And all you marigolds, don’t be afraid to step into the sun and show your colors. To grow, we all must keep learning and understanding. We need your help and your special talents to do that or we will soon become the weed that is wrench from the flower bed. Share your wisdom and help keep those nasty insects called indifference and prejudice away. Gardens tended with love will flourish.

 Flowers Flower Flower Flowers Flowers Flower Flower Flowers 

Blessings,

Diva Elizabeth

 

THE AGE OF RAGE

 

Writers connect characters to readers through emotions.  That makes it vital to understand them.  Otherwise, the odds diminish of depicting them accurately or of having the reader react to whatever is depicted the way the writer intends they react.

 

We live in an age of rage.  Where people once reacted with restraint, today they are far more apt to cut loose and let the fur fly–often with little or no provocation.  There was a time not too long ago, when terms like “road rage” weren’t part of our vocabulary.  Where watching a group of teenage girls beat up another teenage girl wasn’t broadcast and considered entertainment.  

 

There’s a lot of angry people out there, and yet if we limit anger to only the negative, then we’ve missed the best half of its value.  Because like most things in life, anger can be positive or negative.

 

First we need to make to sure we see anger clearly.

 

Anger isn’t an action.  It is a reaction.  The effect of an underlying cause.

 

That cause can be someone doing something that hurts you–intentionally or unintentionally, professionally or personally.  Something that appalls you, something that scares you.  (Note that all three are emotions, writers.)  Let’s look at a couple of examples:

 

 If someone makes a false accusation against you, odds are pretty good your reaction will be anger. 

 

If you pull a week of overtime on a project for the boss and the coworker supposedly helping you did nothing but takes full credit for all your work, odds are pretty good your reaction will be anger.  

 

If your daughter wears your favorite jacket without your permission and wrecks it or loses it, odds are pretty good your reaction will be anger.

 

If you write a chapter and haven’t saved it and the power goes out and it’s lost forever, odds are very good your reaction will be anger.

 

If someone steals your car, your wallet, or your name for the purpose of damaging your reputation, you can bet your reaction will be anger.

 

Personally and/or professionally, we react with anger to injustice.   To things we consider universally just plain wrong.  

 

But we also at times react with anger when no malice or intent to harm is intended.  In fact, we sometimes react in anger when we’re not even directly involved.

 

You instruct your child not to do something.  The child does it anyway.  You’re not harmed, but you are angry.

 

Someone you care about gets sick.  You yell at the doctor–outraged from the tip of your head to the soles of your feet.

 

Why?

 

Because other emotions are fueling the fire.  Often that other emotion is fear.

 

You fear the sick person will die.  You rage against the fear of death, but death isn’t someone you can shout out, so you pick a victim present:  the doctor, or nurse or ambulance attendant–anyone will do. 

 

People typically look for someone to blame.  It makes them feel more insecure, like they’re more in control.  They look for someone upon whom they can focus their fear which manifests in the form of anger.  They might even choose the individual who is sick!

 

Fear, frustration, insecurity.  Injustice, an inability to manipulate, a loss of control, a failure to achieve a desired outcome–all of these emotion-based reasons, and others like them, can manifest as anger.  But remember, anger is the reaction, not the action.  It’s the effect, not the cause.  The primary core emotion fueling the reaction is the catalyst.

 

Anger, you see, isn’t an innate reaction.  It’s a learned response.  A simple example:  

 

When a child hits himself with a hammer, he cries.

When an adult hits himself with a hammer, he cusses.

 

One reacts to pain with tears.  

The other reacts with anger.

 

The primary causes and effects discussed thus far are largely negative.  But anger has a whole different side.  A valuable side, and our characters should react to it just as people do.  On this side of the proverbial scales, anger is constructive.

 

It acts as a catalyst to motivate us to do constructive things (versus destructive ones) we wouldn’t have done or couldn’t have done without that motivation.  An example:

 

A doctor lost his father early in life to a heart attack.  The son was furious.  Now he could have let that anger eat him alive, or even destroy him.  He could have grown so bitter that it poisoned him and stole his destiny.  But he didn’t.  Instead he channeled his anger constructively–and went on to create the first artificial heart.

 

Anger can motivate us to stretch and grow.  It can inspire us to change, to do better and more than believed we were capable of doing.  Anger can infuse us with determination, give us the courage to try things we never dreamed of trying–and to keep on trying until we achieve them.  

 

Anger can impact us in ways that change the course of our entire lives–define our life’s purpose.

 

When we think of anger, we often think of abuse and only its negatives.  We neglect to remember the good that can come from it (the anger, not the abuse).  Anger isn’t so much about the emotion, though we should understand the ramifications of that, too.

 

Anger channeled improperly causes stress.  Stress kills.  It’s that simple.  But before it kills, it makes us sick.  Headaches, digestive challenges, spastic colon problems and so many more physical challenges manifest as a result of anger (and other negative emotions) not being processed in a positive way.

 

Anger channeled properly inspires and infuses us with abilities we had but didn’t know we had.  Inspires us to gain new skills, new abilities that serve us in all areas of our lives because they broaden our experience and give us deeper wells to draw from in doing things we want to do.  Things we’re meant to do.

 

So, yes, we live in an age of rage.  And, yes, many factors contribute to it.  What we need to remember is that rage is a reaction–neither a cause nor an action.  We all know that every action causes a reaction.  Every cause has an effect.  And we know that regardless of what that cause and action are, we control our reactions and effects.  We choose our response.

 

We all get angry.  We all have hot buttons that someone’s going to push.  We know that.  

What we need to decide is how we’re going to react to having our hot-buttons pushed.  We can react negatively–whether it’s firing off a nasty email filled with half-truths or taking a swing at the person offending us–or constructively–whether it’s holding our tongues and promising ourselves we won’t treat others unfairly or we’ll use that anger to build a better mousetrap.

 

I study a fair amount on abuse; you guys know that.  I have for over thirty years.  One thing that abusers often say to their victims is, “You made me hurt you.”  That or they tell others, “S/he made me do it.”

 

Definitely improperly channeled anger there.  The abuser got angry.  S/he chose to hurt, to do it, and we’re all too familiar with the horrific forms “it” can take.  

 

So when you’re writing characters, and in living your own life, understand that anger is normal.  Even the most disciplined and most holy get angry.  God got angry, and He’s got supernatural powers.  We’re mere mortals.  So it isn’t that we should fight to not feel the emotion, anger.  It’s that we should exercise self-control and channel that anger constructively.

 

Constructive channeling.  Now that’s a valuable weapon when living in an age of rage…

 

Blessings,

 

Diva Vicki